Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I Live For Moments Like This

I am very PROUD of my first born…she will be closing on her house next week. The proudest moments for parents in my opinion are when your children become adults and their actions prove they have been LISTENING to your advice and guidance over the years the entire time.

It make the years when they use to say, “You just don’t understand” a distant memory.

Nothing Like A Good Laugh

This email had me LMAO, this is the best laugh I had all week and it made my DAY!

Lucille's dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the kitchen table, and I'll post you a cheque .'

'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.

But, whatever you do, NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!' 'I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'

When the repairman arrived at lucille's house the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.

But, just as she had said, the dog Spike, just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him crazy the whole time with it's incessant squawking.. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!'

See - Men just don't listen!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Did You Know

The following is something that was in the monthly newsletter my credit union sends out. I have yet to hear about this in the MSM. Instead of talking about Brittany Spears 24/7 they need to be letting Americans aware of something like the following:

Quote: "Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two government-sponsored mortgage companies that purchase mortgage loans (from banks and credit unions) announced they would be leveling a surcharge of a whopping 1.25% on consumers who do not have a 680 or better credit score. This surcharge is scheduled to begin March 1, 2008." end Quote

It appears me consumers are going to pay for properties that went into foreclosure. Why should we always be punished for the crimes of others? This is the type of sh*t our Congressmen and Senators should be protecting us from. There is no other way I can look at this, but as once again average citizens are paying from the crimes committed by the CEO's of mortgage companies.

Living with MS Depends On YOUR Attitude


Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sunday Inspirational

No one can sing this song better than my cousin Lorraine, it happens to be my favorite gospel. As I was looking for this week Sunday inspiration ...I came across this gospel group singing the song that gave me strength during some dark times in my life.

I have never heard a Caucasian gospel group sing like this before. They did the song JUSTICE.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Breaking Out of Prison

I broke out of prison years ago, but some symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis try to put me back there every day. As I was going out on a date with my husband the other night, anxiety and panic start building within me. I quietly sat in the passenger seat as severe pain shot from my head to my toes, my heart start skipping beats and my nerves felt like jumping beans. I wanted to scream to my husband to turn the car around and take me home.

I am proud of myself every time I stand up to symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. I was tired of always cancelling my plans or having my husband or daughters turn the car around because MS was rearing its head. I noticed when I did that I would become depress and at one point, I actually became a prisoner in my own home.

Instead of asking him to take me home, I fought back. I recognized over the years when I experience sudden severe pain, and nerve tingles, they would leave or calm down as fast as they would come. The skipping beats of my heart is a different story. I knew the first thing I had to do was to calm myself down to rid myself of the anxiety and panic that was building in me. I rolled my window down to deeply inhale and allow the brisk cold air hit me in the face all the while telling myself to relax. That caught the attention of my husband because he knew when I do that something is wrong.

Once I calmed my anxiety down I told him how my body was feeling, but I also told him I want to continue on our way. His only request from me was to tell my doctor about my heart skipping beats because heart disease is severe in my family history and I have been wearing morphine patches for over six months. I promised I would and I reminded him where to find my document that list the medications I take, the medications I am allergic to, and the surgeries I have had in case my symptoms did not calm down and he had to take me to the emergency room. We still had forty-five minutes to arrive at our designation and I was confident my symptoms would calm down to the point that was tolerable for me to enjoy my evening.

The symptoms of MS are so unpredictable, I never know when, what symptoms, or how severe it will attack me. I also know I cannot allow this unpredictable illness make me a prisoner in my own home again. That is why I have established a battle plan against this war I am in with Multiple Sclerosis. Each time I have a battle with MS when I am outside of my comfort zone (which is my home) and not allow MS symptoms have me retreat to my comfort zone. I AM THE WINNER! The cold air calmed my anxiety and panic; the severe pain left my entire body and mildly concentrated only in my fingers, my heart stop skipping, and my nerves settled to a mild tingle. My planned date with my husband ended as a beautiful, fun, and loving evening.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Here But I Am Gone


If I took the time to replace
What my mind erased
I still feel as if I'm here but I'm gone

Give Me a Reason to Drop You...

The private health insurance my husband pay to insure his family took care of all of our medical needs. The co-pays to the doctor office, specialist, hospital, prescription were affordable. Then unexpectedly I received a letter from the insurance company that has covered me for years stating, “If you do not pick up Medicare we will no longer cover you”. What the hell, I was dumbfounded to receive the letter. I told my husband I believe because of the high cost of my medication to slow the progression of MS and the other medications I have to take because of MS. Our insurance company was going to find a reason to drop me.

Of course, I did what I was told because I did not want to be dropped from one of the best insurance company in the US (in my opinion)… It has been a nightmare having Medicare as my primary. The insurance I was use to having became my secondary, thank God they continue to pay for my prescriptions. With the way Medicare is setup, I wonder what the Universal Plan will be like that our Government is seeking to establish. I am sure it is going to be a hot mess once a plan is presented and I also think it will cause me more grieve…I pay three times more a month for Medicare than my husband by for our other insurance.

My second bitch is about Auto Insurance. I have been driving for 30 years and NEVER had an accident until last month. I damaged my passenger side front fender as I was pulling out of my garage. Can you believe that I was damn near out of the garage? Any who, I immediately took my car to a body shop hoping all that was wrong was to remove the paint from my garage that was on my car. The paint on my car was chipped off and I had a dent in the fender. The cost was over a thousand dollars, why pay over a thousand dollars when my deductible is only $250.00. That was a no brainer to call my auto insurance company and file a claim.

I called to make a claim and after giving the specifics to the customer service rep, the rep said the following to me, “Your insurance rate will probably go up because this is consider an at fault accident”. I was speechless, when I was able to find my voice, I asked, “Why would my premium go up, I have never had an accident, this is my very first claim since I have been carrying insurance, therefore why and the hell would my premium go up”. The CSR was just doing his job, he said, “It is the company policy to inform a customer it is a possibility their rates will go up if they are at fault”.

There was no need for me to be angry with him, but I damn sure became angry at the system once again. There is so much wrong with this country, but I hope the also put regulating the Insurance Industry on their agenda soon.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Tysabri Q & A by Lauren P.

is the first person with Multiple Sclerosis that visit and commented on my blog. Lauren is an inspiration to me. She has been living with MS longer than I have and to watch her video being self efficient calmed my fear when or if MS force me into a wheelchair.

Today Lauren is an advocate for Tysabri and through her, I keep up with how Tysabri is working for her and others for the day I decide to use Tysabri. Yes, I am a coward when it comes to Tysabri. I am still afraid of taking Tysabri because of the risk of PML and how it came on the market. After visiting her site today and watching (another young woman by the same name Lauren) she has inspired, who is taking Tysabri, I decided to start weekly YouTube post from people living with MS.

Q & A Part 1

Q & A Part 2

Song For The Week "One Love"


Friday, January 18, 2008

When Worlds Collide

When I first entered the blogosphere, I was angry with our Government and the Democrat Party for allowing things to happen without putting up a fight. I was questioning my loyalty to the Party and was thinking about becoming an Independent voter. I start searching and reading information about both political parties in our country and discovered there was a movement for a Green Party. Hmm, who knew that surprised me and it was interesting to discover a third party movement.

While I was on my quest reading about our country political parties, I discovered blogging. I realized average citizens were blogging about politics, it was interesting reading others viewpoints about politics and discovering I was not alone in how I was feeling. My love for blogging began, I knew I did not want to blog about politics; therefore I began blogging about living with multiple sclerosis.

In the beginning, I kept my post strictly about my experiences with MS and MS related information before I knew it I was talking about what was on my mind. I began questioning myself many times about publicly talking about my life. I start feeling naked and fearing possible lunatics were lurking around. I claim I accidentally deleted my blog last year, it was not an accident I deleted it because of feeling naked and fearing lunatics.

Immediately after I hit the delete button, I wanted to reach into cyberspace and retrieve it because a part of me was forever gone and floating in cyberspace. Blogging was a comfort for me it was a way for me to release my thoughts and feelings before my mind burst. It was also my way of holding on to what I felt I was loosing. My cognitive is not the same living with MS, blogging is my way of working to hold onto what was changing in my life such as remembering words, spelling, writing, and putting sentences together.

Another reason why I love to blog is the virtual friendships. I did not expect to form virtual friendships in the blogosphere, but I did. As I stated before my blogging began because of politics. My very first blog experience began with a local political blogger. Leftwing's blog will always hold a special place with me I have found other special places I like to visit through him, one being The Flypaper Theory . Because of one of the contributors at TFT, Christian Progressive Liberal , I discovered many African Americans who blog. From the words of bloggers you see their character and virtual friendships are formed.

There came a time regarding politics in my city an issue I was having, one of my virtual friends let me know that he had my back and so would the others. When I called on him by email from his response and action, I knew he had my back. I will never forget that, I will also never forget the post I saw on one of their sites wishing me well once. I knew eventually I would meet my favorite local bloggers, Newscoma and CPL one day.

I thought that day would be when I came to one of their bloggers event, social event, or a political event. Each time I decided to attend one of the announced events, my illness was exacerbated and I would not attend. The highlight of my week was when I was feeling good enough to attend Congressman Steve Cohen's open house to congratulate Randy Wade on his promotion. My virtual world and real world collided. I met Freedonian, the blogger I mentioned who had my back during an issue I was having in my city. He is not blogging much now because he is writing a book, but I check in because I love reading his writing.

It was an honor to meet him in person and surprised that he was honored to meet me. I truly enjoyed our chance encountered and the cherry on top of the end of my week was when he called me Thursday while at a social function with other bloggers I consider virtual friends wanted to speak to me after he was telling them he met me. I had the pleasure of talking with Newscoma and LWC. It was great to speak to LWC after leaving my rant on his site Thursday morning assuming he was this obnoxious person on another blog because I was given the opportunity to verbally apologize for my rant. In my heart I did not believe that was him, but I was blinded by that word and assumed it to be him.

Politics was the reason I start blogging, but I have discovered bloggers who blog about multiple sclerosis and other issues. I might not ever meet any of my fellow MS bloggers, but they have become part of my virtual world. The information they put on their blogs is enjoyable and helpful to read. They also can relate as I can to blog post that only a fellow MS’ers understand. They all have fantastic blogs, but I have to give Merelyme the award for her thought provoking blog posts.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Fantastic Game For MS'ers and Adults

I would have never thought that in a million years I would promote a Nintendo game. Well, I am and if you have Multiple Sclerosis, you might want to consider purchasing the Nintendo DS, the average prices is $129.00. Believe me it will be worth the money because you can play the following two games that help MS’ers with their Cognitive and Vision.

I believe Brain Age is good for our Cognitive

I also believe Flash Focus is good for our Vision.

You do not have to have MS to enjoy the above two games, it is also good if you are getting up in AGE :)

Moving On...

I do believe I would make an excellent Alderman here in my city. I had several people call me, on the day an Aldermen died strongly suggesting I submit my name to fill his seat until the elections later this year. I told supporters who want me to run for aldermen that I am still on the fence about an elective office.

Many times, I am lead by my heart and one day this week after saying my prayers. I was lead to write a letter of interest to fill the vacancy on the board because of the sudden death of a very good alderman. I fought with myself to send the letter of interest because I know I would not be considered, but I did what I was lead to do and sent it.

The reason I know why I would not be considered is that for years I have been very opinionated before the board mainly about the police and developers. I also will not be considered because I am a FAIR person, I will always side on what is right and a person like me do not make it far in politics. Finally, the main reason why I will not be considered is that I am female and black. I would be the first black person to seat on the board in this city history.

With all that said, I was seriously considering running for the elective seat this year. I have black, white, well off, and poor supporters who are encouraging me to run because they know I am a fair person. My husband and children are my biggest supporters because they know it is my passion to help others and do not look for nothing in return.

I know I am going to disappoint many people. Politics is downright dirty and I do not have the luxury of health to do battle just to win an elective seat. My health would not prevent me from doing a good job. I also do not think my health can take the stress of campaigning if it becomes dirty. The position of Aldermen in my city pays $300.00 a month and I have no problem with that because for me it is not about the money. For others who play dirty to sit on a board it for reason that makes politics dirty.

Therefore, I am sure some who are sitting on that board including the Mayor will be relieved when they find out I will not be running. I wish I were a fly on the wall when they received my letter of interest. I can image the looks on some of their faces wondering which one of them I was going to oppose this year.

The way I feel right now I am tired of it ALL. Politics bring out the worse in people. Why that is I do not know, I am tired, I give up and I quit? I need to stop worrying and fighting for the under dog it is a thankless and unappreciative job. From this moment on, I am going to try to suppress my passion of helping others. My immediate world is fine, I need to learn how to not worry about others and only get involved if it personally affects me.


I received a call from one of the Aldermen that received my letter of interest. It was very interesting, if he knew about my blog he would have had an answer to his subtle inquiry. Let the fun begin, but without me...I wonder if I should have told him I know who is going to challenge him. Naw, he will find out soon enough.


It felt good visiting my fellow MS'ers blogs today and staying away from the political blogs.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Happy Birthday

I was a child when you stood up against racial oppression for African Americans. Had it not been for you, I would not have had the opportunities I had in my life. I thank you sincerely and I try to live my life working towards seeing your dream which is also my dream come to fruition.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Politics In America and Being Black

This post probably disturb some of my MS bloggers, but I have always been opinionated and when it is election time in my city and America, I am just as opinionated. This is going to be a long blog entry and it is going to be an entry that I keep up for awhile.

Politics is a F****ing Dirty Game and with the season upon us again. I am reliving the HELL I went through supporting the city I live in Mayor, remembering the racially charged election that happened in the city Memphis Mayor race in 2007, and now witnessing the under handed tactics of the Clinton camp.

I personally cannot get absorbed in the wonderful world of politics, my mind is made up as to what I am going to do, which is not support the Mayor of my city this year and not vote for Hillary Clinton if she wins the Democrat nomination.

Once I am finished writing how I am feeling about politics in America I will update this post and remove myself from America Politics for a few weeks. Hell, I just got over from an exacerbation and I will be damned if I work myself up to another one behind politics. Which is nothing more than a different day, but the same sh*t.


They are keeping it real in the Fields about what is happening in this race for POTUS. I will not post my personal local fight when it comes to politics. What I like about the Fields is that people of all races express their honest opinions and there is honest dialogue. MSM need to realize that there is a lot of power from political blogs hosted by African Americans. What you see happening on a national level in politics is just as bad on a local level.

I am ready for a freaking change when it comes to politics and race. I hope that this will be the year African Americans and other minorities make an impact on how Democrats and Republicans treat the minority vote.

This is shaping up to be the year when both parties will hear minorities and the poor loud and clear.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Take As Needed

There is nothing I can do when multiple sclerosis rob me of some of my cognitive. I can take Provigil to battle ms fatigue invade my body with a wave of extreme fatigue. I can also take a milder anti-depressant as I have in the past to fight ms depression.

Finally, there is the Solu-Medrol infusion that works when my ms symptoms cause my body to break down like Humpty Dumpty.

After my Solu-Medrol infusion Saturday, I felt great my body no longer felt like Humpty Dumpty. During my office visit Friday, my neurologist gave me her reason why she thought it would be a good idea for me to take Lexapro and Tizanidine daily. I explained to her why I did not want to take Lexapro and why I take Tizanidine on an as need basis. I finally gave in and told her I will start taking Lexapro once a day and Tizanidine twice a day starting Saturday January 05.

My living hell began Monday morning, mentally I felt as if I was going out of my mind and physically I could not get out of bed. I took back control of my life Wednesday. I do not try to play doctor on myself, but no one knows my body as I do. I called my neurologist and informed her on how I was feeling and as of today I will not be taking Lexapro anymore and I will only take Tizanidine, as I needed it.

It did not make sense to me to take pills that had me totally incapacitated mentally and physically. I went from living life to having no life and that is not me. I was not going to continue to take prescription medication that altered my mental state and robbed me of physically getting around no matter what my doctor thought. Life has been fine for me wearing a Fentanyl patch, taking Lortab as needed for break through pain, and injecting myself daily with Copaxone. Mentally, I am coherent and physically I could get around taking what I call my fabulous three. I also knew if I had any other symptoms that arise from multiple sclerosis I have an arsenal of medication as needed because at one point I was taking more pills than I can count on a daily basis because I was told to do so.

Because I was told by my doctors to take certain prescribed medications I almost lost my life twice. I am damn if I do and damn if I don't. I rather be damn if I don't from this point on.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

My Sunday Inspiration

I decided to start something new on my blog this year. I am the first to admit I do not attend as regular as I should, but I also know God knows my heart. For the last three months, I found my self-waking up 6:00 in the morning when the broadcast of Creflo Dollar, T. D Jakes, and Joel Olsten comes on in that order.

I enjoy listening to all three. I found it strange that I was waking up without an alarm clock and I am definitely not an early morning person. I finally, accepted that maybe God is trying to tell me something and I am no longer questioning WHY I am waking up on Sunday Mornings at the time the three above T V evangelist or on air.

My first Sunday Inspiration video is special to me because my Baby Girl called me this morning she is no longer mad with me, we were able to discuss our misunderstanding like adults. We both were missing each other and in the end, I had to share with her what my parents said to me when I cried to them about our argument.

They said, “I saw myself when we had that argument and she is just like you. You did it to us and all parents go thru at least once with their child. She will realize you are her best friend and she will come around sooner than later”. I am happy it happened sooner than later because I was missing her dearly. She told me in the end our relationship is too special and she was sorry for lashing out at me, but she was more hurt that I lashed back she did not expect that. After taking a few days to her self, she realized I lashed back because she was out of line, she was no longer a child, and as she thought about it, I was speaking the truth as I always have with her and her siblings.


Saturday, January 5, 2008

Wonder JUICE

I knew my neurologist was going to order the Solu-Medrol drip when I went to see her Friday. Thankfully, I was schedule for one instead of three. I do not know about other MS’ers, but I experienced it all from the Solu-Medrol.

The best side effect from the drip is feeling like super woman and I hopefully I will become super-woman today. I am mad at myself because I did not get my caffeine in (Pepsi) before the nurse injected the IV, the metallic taste form within minutes. Now I have to wait several hours for my taste bug to return to have my tall ice filled glass of Pepsi. A thousand milligram of steroids works wonders.

Everything looks 100 times brighter and I FEEL GOOD right now!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Danger Of A Second Life

I enjoy watching all the CSI shows and cop shows such as The Next 48 hours, Lock Up, and Inside America Jails as an example. Blame it on my experience working with law enforcement for several years. If it were not for DVR technology, I would be an overweight couch potato watching my favorite law enforcement series. Getting back to why I am posting about Second Life.

A few months ago, CSI New York had an episode of catching a murderer by entering the world of Second Life. It was one of their most intriguing episodes, avatar characters being murdered in the real world. The episode intrigued me so much that I went on line to see what the Second Life World was all about, I was tempted to create myself an avatar. Of course, I would create myself as a sexy young woman who does not live with multiple sclerosis.

As I flirted with temptation to join the Second Life World, reality of there are serious psychopaths in the world prevented me from doing so. I also thought about how a person could become emotional addicted and the psychological affect of living as an avatar in a virtual world. In the end, I decided it was dangerous to flirt with creating an imaginary life. There is some truth in art imitating life and life imitating art.

I was right about the danger and psychological affect of joining Second Life. This morning on CBS Up To The Minute News, they had a story about a single nurse who joined Second Life a year ago. In the world of Second Life, there are 500,000 active members. Linda whose avatar character name is Cala, a sexy, curvy red head met the man of her dreams in the world of Second Life. They became engaged in this virtual world after a four-month courtship. Linda/Cala said in the interview that when Richie (her virtual world boyfriend) proposed to her it felt like a real life proposal. They are now married in the world of Second Life; they had a fantasy wedding including the minister, bridesmaid, groomsmen, cake, reception, and honeymoon.

She stated in her interview with the journalist it started as a game, but they both admit they have fallen in love for real. The flip side of the fantasy is Linda/Cala virtual husband Richie is married in real life. His real life wife doesn’t know about Second Life nor that he is married in the virtual world of Second Life. The reporter in real life would not interview Richie because he did not want to be interviewed in real life, but he did agree to talk to her in Second Life. The reporter created an avatar for herself and entered the virtual world of Second Life to interview Richie at his Second Life home he shares with Linda/Cala.

The reporter asks him if he feels as if he is cheating on his wife, his response was, “I suppose its cheating in a way, but it’s a meeting of minds not bodies”. He also admitted to the reporter that his Second Life marriage is stronger than his real life marriage. I agree with the psychologist interviewed for the story, there is no if and buts about it he is cheating on his real life wife. I am going a step further and say that Linda/Cala is being a home wrecker and Richie is committing adultery. Just because there is no real touching in this virtual world there is emotional bonding and sex between the avatars in their virtual world.

They both say they have no plans in meeting in real life, but Linda is having second thoughts of being single in real life. They both need to give me a break…there is some psychological issues going on with both of them. Linda/Cala need to look for a man in the real world and Richie who feels his virtual marriage to Cala is stronger with the one he have in real life needs to work on his real life marriage or get a divorce and move on. He is being unfair to his real life wife no matter how he tries to justify his Second Life adventure.