Showing No Mercy...Unless You Control IT

I WILL BEAT YOU DOWN IF YOU LET ME!










This heat wave is no joke! If hell is hotter than what it has been for the past three months...I pray living my life by the Golden Rule is my ticket into heaven. :-)

Multiple Sclerosis and I have been battling during this heat wave. IT is getting upset with me because I have not allowed IT to take over. IT needs to know I am in control of my body! There was a time I allowed IT to control my body, but I did not like the way IT played. I use to go about my daily routine as if I was not living with MS (IT) during the summer months and would have to be injected with 3000 mg of Solu-Medrol two to three times during the summer because IT would affect my body in a negative way for days.

This is the first summer in years; I have not had to have an IV Infusion. I know that is because instead of allowing IT to control me, I took control of IT by LISTENING to MY BODY. I have learned to say NO, and still be productive in my LIFE and that is the greatest feeling ever. When I was forced to quit working in my dream job eight years ago, I thought my life was over. I like my new non-paying job better. I now utilized the skills I have learned over the years to help and be a voice for others and work with disadvantage children.

Yes, I have Multiple Sclerosis, but to me MS mean I AM Mighty Strong!

The Fight Is On Today!

My body is tired, but my mind is not. Nerves on my right side is burning and tingling, but my left side is not. It feels weird when one side of your body feels very different from the other the last time I felt split in half it was the left side of my body.

My body is tired and my mind is not because INSOMNIA decided to visit me. If INSOMNIA thinks it is going to prevent me from doing what I have to do later today it have another thing coming.

My day is going to be interesting because MS causes life to be out of the ordinary. We have to adjust to the burdens of the symptoms of MS and I have plans that I must and want to keep today.

However, at my last neurologist appoint a month ago. I did mention to the doctor how painful my fingers were in my right hand. She told me what I already knew, which was it was the nerves in my fingers. I am an expert on distinguishing PAIN, but I would not wish NERVE PAIN on my worst enemy. It is one thing to have severe pain, but serve pain that also burns is HELL. Let me get back to my neurologist, insomnia is causing my mind to wander.

It is time to give the doctor a call because the nerve pain in my right hand fingers is now afflicted my entire right side and feeling slight dizzy on and off. In the early years of living with MS, I would have stress myself out wondering what is going on, but now I know better. Not that I am playing doctor, but I am 99.9% my doctor is going to order up Solu-Medrol…the remedy when MS exacerbate.

Nonetheless, that call can what until Monday; there is no need for me to ruin the day I have plan. I am tired and my right side feels like Hell, but I have a plan...THE FIGHT IS ON.

I PLAN TO WIN TODAY!

Back On Track

Day two of having the Solu-Medrol infusion is over and tomorrow I can finally take the IV out of my hand. I am feeling so much better; I can move my head again and walk without the use of a cane. I am not going to lie, I am too vain to be walking around with a cane and I will do whatever it takes not to have to use it more than I have to. I am a realist and I know the day might come where I will have to use more frequently than I do know, but until then I am going to move around everyday I use of my legs. I was devastated when I had to stop wearing my three-inch heels. Hell, I catch grief from my doctors coming in with a one-inch heel. If you were, a shoe fanatic as if I am you would know how I feel. If I told you how many pairs of three inch heels I had to replace you would think I was nuts. Therefore, I will not reveal how many pair of shoes I own :)

This time around, the only problem I had with the Solu-Medrol was severe stomach cramping the first day. Today I was energize and I got a lot things accomplished around the house and caught up on reading chapters from my online History II class. My neurologist advised I go back on the Fentanyl patch. I discussed the emotional incident I had in May and I stopped in June thinking the emotional breakdown was from the Fentanyl patch. She had a point about the Fentanyl patch did keep my pain level in control because I was getting a daily dose of pain medication, I did not have daily tingles and numbness, and I did not have an exacerbations while I was wearing the Fentanyl patch. She also said that she is not comfortable with how many Lortab I have to take. With the kind of pain I suffer, I need daily 24/7 dosage of pain medicine going into my system.

I talked with a pharmacist and ask him if the Fentanyl could have been the cause of my emotional breakdown in May, he said Fentanyl does not cause that kind of reaction and that it could have been another medication I was taking. After that incident, I stopped taking all the medication. I do not plan to start my Fentanyl patch immediately because I am feeling fine from the Solu-Medrol. My plan is to take my Copaxone injection daily, and my Fentanyl patch. When it is time to put another Fentanyl patch on the third day I will skip a day or two then put another patch on.

I know my body better than anyone does and I believe this plan is best for me. My doctors want me to take an anti-depressant, but I am not willing to get back on an anti-depressant. The side effects of the anti-depressant have mental mood changes. Therefore, if it was not the Fentanyl that caused my emotional breakdown in May, it had to be the anti-depressant. If I feel, I need to go on an anti-depressant than I will make that decision when the time comes. The Fentanyl patch has dangerous side-effects, but you have to take the good with the bad and I am willing to take that chance again because it did work for me.

Solu-Medrol to the Rescue

I believe MS is a jealous disease. Remember when my body felt split in half, eventually my right side was slowing mending back to my left, but it still feel different from my left side, just not as intense from when I first talked about it. Two weeks ago, the right side of my head down through my neck and slightly below my right shoulder was becoming more painful than the other part of my right side. In the beginning I brushed it off thinking maybe I slept wrong, but as the days went by the pain intensified to the point, I could not move my head.

Still not wanting to believe it was an exacerbation creeping up on me. I start taking my Lortab for the pain and Zanaflex for the spasticity. I thought I had it under control because the drugs were working. I continued with my life attending the candidate I support for Mayor meetings and rallies. With the holiday, approaching I was ecstatic that my youngest daughter was coming home and I would have all my girls home for the holiday. I start preparing all of their favorite foods and while I was at it, I cooked collard greens and pinto beans to freeze for later use.

Nothing was going to stop me from enjoying my girls and grandson Labor Day weekend; it has been since July, that all of my girls were in one room. I was overjoyed of having my family together, that is when I realized MS is a jealous disease, my pain and spasticity that Lortab and Zanaflex had in control was being overpowered. I was no longer getting relief from the drugs. I put on a brave face and enjoyed my family; I REFUSED to lie in bed during their visit because of how I was feeling. I am paying the price now for not giving in to symptoms of MS that tried to take my joy away. Had I given in to MS I know I would have become depressed. Exacerbations had robbed me of many fun times with my family that put me in a depress state of mind. After my last bout of depression, I developed an attitude of fight or die and I am not dying anytime soon.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I could not walk; the pain and spasticity in my head went into my upper right hip. MS was showing me it could take me down no matter how hard I was fighting. The drugs were no longer helping the pain; I was wishing I never stopped taking morphine. I finally waved the white flag and called my neurologist, I need reinforcement. This MS exacerbation was not going anywhere soon. I no longer could move my head, or walk without the use of my cane, and the pain was too intense.

Solu-Medrol to the rescue, today is the first day of three 1000mg of steroids. (I am hoping for that high energy euphoria feeling this time around. The last time I had steroids I was one angry agitated witch.) Symptoms of MS did not win this go round...

I WON this battle because I enjoyed my family the holiday weekend.

Wonder JUICE

I knew my neurologist was going to order the Solu-Medrol drip when I went to see her Friday. Thankfully, I was schedule for one instead of three. I do not know about other MS’ers, but I experienced it all from the Solu-Medrol.

The best side effect from the drip is feeling like super woman and I hopefully I will become super-woman today. I am mad at myself because I did not get my caffeine in (Pepsi) before the nurse injected the IV, the metallic taste form within minutes. Now I have to wait several hours for my taste bug to return to have my tall ice filled glass of Pepsi. A thousand milligram of steroids works wonders.

Everything looks 100 times brighter and I FEEL GOOD right now!

INSOMNIA

I have not grieved as I am now since the death of my maternal grandfather 25 years ago. I am carry on with my daily activities, but I feel as if I am just going thru the motions. Since Mary’s death, I have not been sleeping well. I finally took an Ambien 10mg Tuesday and Wednesday night to no avail. My doctor called the pharmacy and prescribed me Klonopin to take with my Ambien.

I was hoping I did not have to take a Klonopin, but as I began to type my thoughts, I decided I should. However, I thought it was best for me not to take another Ambien along with it, since I been taken Ambien from prior days. I hope the Klonopin is effective tonight, because the pain I feel from multiple sclerosis is breaking through with a vengence while I am wearing a Duragesic Patch. I do not think it would be wise to take a Lortab for this break through pain tonight since I have taken a Klonopin. I lived with multiple sclerosis long enough to know I am on the verge of an exacerbation. The last thing I want now is to have a Solu-Medrol Infusion because of an exacerbation.

It was months before I was able to move on grieving my grandfather 25 years ago. For the sake of my health, I have to find peace with Mary’s death. I thought I found peace when I felt her presence during my daughter’s wedding. Today, I had to stop myself from picking up the phone to call her. When that happened I was mentally back, to the morning she died and that unbearable sadness engulfed me all over again.

Inspirational music is a comfort for me and tonight I choose this to give me peace to get through the night. I look forward to waking up tomorrow with a renewed strength.
">