Monday, February 16, 2009

It Cannot Get Worse…So Why Not Look Into It

“D”, I was reading this article on vitamin D (and others) and it keeps coming up that African-Americans can be deficient in this vitamin and can develop multiple sclerosis and other autoimmune diseases. You should have your blood level checked. Because our skin is dark, we re usually 100% deficient in this vitamin & and have an array of ailments as a result. I had mine checked and I am deficient and my doctor placed me on 6 drops daily. It has made a huge difference in the pain I was feeling in my bones.

The website is not just for African Americans it has some interesting information on it..Click to check it out.

When I see my neurologist for my scheduled February 27, appointment, I am requesting to have my blood drawn to check my vitamin D level. I have taken myself off a many harmful prescription medication to control symptoms of my MS. Could it be possible some of what I feel could be from vitamin deficiencies mainly vitamin D. I would prefer to take vitamins to control some of my ailments than harmful prescription medication.

It cannot get worse…so why not look into vitamin deficiencies.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Love is...

I know this comes as a surprise, I actually hope it’s a pleasant and welcome one. I’ve been thinking about you and just wanted to say hello and to let you know that I still "Love My Friend"! I pray that all is fine in your world! I remember telling you that we are Friends to the end and nothing has changed here! Every relationship/friendship takes some hurdled and bumps but that's what makes us strong. I Love you! Happy Valentine's Day! Sandra, your Friend to the End!!!

My life long friend hurt me deeply months ago and I have not spoken to her since. I admit I missed her and I thought of her often, but I could not get what she said out of my head. For that reason, I refused to hang on to our friendship.

When I received her above email, I cried and picked up the phone and called her. The first words out of my mouth were, “I missed you too”. She start crying and when she composed herself she said, “I wondered if you were going to email me back and what it was going to say. I am happy you called, I love you and I missed you. I was depressed about my son and said things to you I did not mean.”

I explained to her, “Words are more hurtful than being physically hit, because words rewind in your head often and the hurt is felt over and over again. In order to move on, I forgiven you months ago, but I was happy to receive your email. I love you too.” We continued to talk as if nothing happened between us.

Valentine Day this year means more to me... because I have my friend back.

V-Day is not just about expressing love to a significant other, it is also a day to let everyone you love KNOW IT.
Your children, mother, father, sister, brother, friends, lover, etc.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It is Not Procrastination It’s MS Fatigue

I feel tired all the time more so when I think of all I have to do such as housework, studying for class, preparing for meetings, etc. There are days I can stay in bed all day and not move unless I have to go to the bathroom. When I feel like that and do it, my mind does not let me rest because I am thinking about what I have on my plate to do.

I am one of those types of people that hate to be late or unprepared for anything. I would be in bed feeling guilty about not completing a task and possibly not being prepared for a meeting or test. At one time, I convinced myself that I was a procrastinator.

I complete my tasks and meet deadlines, therefore, I stopped feeling guilty when my body wants to rest. I stopped feeling guilty when I pace to do my housework and I cannot complete it all in one day. I stopped feeling guilty when I have days or weeks before a test or meeting to prepare, but wait close to the day of to start preparation. Pacing and resting when my body tells me is what matters and what is important.

It is not Procrastination It’s MS Fatigue...bite me!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Do You Believe In Prayers?

Yes, I believe in prayers. I wanted the brother I knew when we were growing up, I prayed for my brother for more years than I care to count.

When I heard the joy in my mothers voice last week say, "M. was over and he looks real good. His face is clear and he has been going to church. He has three suits he wants me to take in for him." I felt her smiling as we talked on the phone, I knew then she believed he was clean and sober. She was apprehensive when I told her several months ago, he has not been using going on a year and he was getting his life together. After several times of not completing rehab, I understood her apprehension, but it was a happy moment to hear her believe in my brother again.

The day my brother was about to end his life, he called me. That day is etched in my brain for eternity. My husband and I was on a date night, we were driving to spend the night in Tunica, MS. A call interrupted the music coming from the radio, I did recognize the number and I could not understand the caller in the beginning. The caller was crying hysterical, after about of minute of trying to understand what the caller was saying, my heart stopped. I recognized the voice; it was my brother “M”.

My thoughts were racing, was he was hurt, why is he calling me I live in another state. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard him say, “I am sick of living worst than a dog, Shelly lives better than me (Shelly is my dog), I am going to kill myself”. I knew with every fiber in my body he meant what he just said. I stopped the call from coming over the radio and held the phone to my ear and said, “You don’t have to live like you are living…you can change your life “M”, I will help you, we all will help you”.

After I said that, I let him get it all out. I did not judge him; I just listened to his pain. Once he stopped talking, I repeated what I said earlier and I told him, "I would start the ball rolling from my end to help him get his life together." I was relieved because I felt in my heart he believed me, he was calmer when we ended our call. I called my older sister and told her about what just happened. I advice her on what I was going to do, but she would have to take over because I do not live in that state anymore. She agreed to handle everything once I found a program for my brother.

To make a long story short, I immediately found a program that could help my brother in the state he lives in and a place to live, my sister made sure he kept all appointments by driving him there herself. No one believed my brother was going to change his life, but no one heard the desperation in his voice when he called me the night he wanted to end it all.

When we pray we cannot expect miracles to happen right away. I had been praying for my brother to stop using drugs for over twenty years. My prayers were answered the day my brother called me for help. He has been clean and sober for nine months and I pray everyday he stays that way.


My brother will be 48 years old next week and been on drugs for many years. No matter what one may think reading this post. I am proud of fact my brother did not bring a child in this world and committed crimes to support his habit. The only person he hurt in the years he been doing drugs is himself. That says a lot about him as a person.

Living With MS....MY WAY

I thought I was going to get myself together when I wrote “MS you can’t keep a good person down” and “Honey you are a Junkie” in June 2007. All I did was trade in the numerous prescription I was taking daily and as needed for a more dangerous and potent drug. My reflection was the best thing to happen to me in 2008.

I still live with pain, tingling, numbness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia. Hell, living with MS I never knew which ailment was going to afflict me, or when it was going to happen. I still do not know today because MS is a predator that I cannot control, but I can control how I allow it to affect my life.
Too many times, I allowed MS to put me in a depress state, for too long I taken drugs regularly to keep symptoms away. Allowing MS to dictate my mood and what I put in my body is what will cause my DEATH. The aforementioned is my reality of living with MS.

I realized if I could live through withdraw symptoms of Fentanyl, I can live with pain, tingling, numbness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia without popping a pill or capsule everyday to keep the symptoms away. I am no idiot; I will take medication, as I need it. I am proud of myself because I have been strong enough not reach for a pill or capsule when MS take me for a ride with one or more of my symptoms. I am proud of the fact I need to have new prescriptions written for the MS symptoms that plagues me when I go see me Neurologist February 17…yes, it has been that long since I taken what I call my as needed drugs.

I have come a long way, the only drugs, I take on a daily basis are my Copaxone injection and Cymbalta. I would not be taking Cymbalta if I had a severe case of anxiety recently. My anxiety is better and I contribute that to Cymbalta, therefore, I will continue taking my Cymbalta on a daily basis. I never want to experience the type of anxiety I just overcame in my life.

Living with MS my way may not work for others, but damn sure works for me.