Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Fight Is On Today!

My body is tired, but my mind is not. Nerves on my right side is burning and tingling, but my left side is not. It feels weird when one side of your body feels very different from the other the last time I felt split in half it was the left side of my body.

My body is tired and my mind is not because INSOMNIA decided to visit me. If INSOMNIA thinks it is going to prevent me from doing what I have to do later today it have another thing coming.

My day is going to be interesting because MS causes life to be out of the ordinary. We have to adjust to the burdens of the symptoms of MS and I have plans that I must and want to keep today.

However, at my last neurologist appoint a month ago. I did mention to the doctor how painful my fingers were in my right hand. She told me what I already knew, which was it was the nerves in my fingers. I am an expert on distinguishing PAIN, but I would not wish NERVE PAIN on my worst enemy. It is one thing to have severe pain, but serve pain that also burns is HELL. Let me get back to my neurologist, insomnia is causing my mind to wander.

It is time to give the doctor a call because the nerve pain in my right hand fingers is now afflicted my entire right side and feeling slight dizzy on and off. In the early years of living with MS, I would have stress myself out wondering what is going on, but now I know better. Not that I am playing doctor, but I am 99.9% my doctor is going to order up Solu-Medrol…the remedy when MS exacerbate.

Nonetheless, that call can what until Monday; there is no need for me to ruin the day I have plan. I am tired and my right side feels like Hell, but I have a plan...THE FIGHT IS ON.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Fight The Symptoms MS Throw At You

click the title and hear why I am BLESSED

Thanks for the well wishes by email. For those who have been reading my blog for a while you know I do not get religious on you because I do not believe in pushing my faith on others. We each have to answer for our self when that time comes.

However, I am shouting it today I Thank GOD for BLESSING me. It is no secret for us who live with multiple sclerosis that it is a terrible illness, but I am thankful for what living with multiple sclerosis has brought to my life. Hmmm, I bet some of you are asking yourself, “WHY”...Let me tell you why.

There was a time when the pains I live with daily intensified to the point were I was ready to take my life. During the last several weeks, I have been living with so much pain that would bring an elephant to its knees. The pain was in my entire body, but it magnified in certain areas. This may sound crazy, but I felt as if I was at war with good and evil. Ummm, let me explain myself before you all think I am nuts.

Some of you know I have not let my disability keep me from fighting injustices and being involved to empower our youth. Thankfully, I had not had to fight any injustices lately, since I have been successful in unseating our last Mayor to bring about change in my community. I have been busy with a non-profit in bringing a program for the underserved (I will talk more about that on another post) and working with the Kiwanis (which I am a member). Out of nowhere the pain, I was use to on a daily basis start intensifying; it was becoming difficult to move. I would wake up stiffer than the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz. MS is a mean SOB; it is as if when you try to continue to have a life, it throws one or more of the many symptoms your way. It does that because it wants you to lie in bed all day and feel sorry for yourself. I REFUSED to do that once I went through my grieving period after my initial diagnosis. I witness too many MSers give up on life and they are now in a wheel chair or in a nursing home.

The fight was on these pass several weeks, I oiled myself up by thinking positive when I woke up. I made myself get out of bed; I made myself make it to meeting for the causes I was working on this summer. The good out of this was the people I was working with never knew the difference. I did not have to go around them when I was too stiff to move, I made up for that by doing what I could from home. It was the fight of pushing on is why I am back to blogging. The evil of the pass several weeks was how my MS PAIN tried to take me down. I am going to try to draw a mental picture. Pain exploded through out my body like a nuclear bomb and while one nuclear bomb went off in my body another localized in three of my right fingers making that area worse. I am right handed and it was so bad, if I was not in my right mind I probably would have cut my fingers off, because I kept moving PAIN deciding to explode another nuclear bomb in my head. I was tempted to put on a morphine patch (yes, although I kicked the morphine, I did not throw out my last refill), because I am bless, I did not put on a patch. To get some relief, I down a couple of Lortab 10mg a day, which is not bad because you know we can take up to six a day. I did not want to go back to dependency of Morphine, although by using morphine I do not feel PAIN. I could not go back to it because I know it was slowing killing me (causing problems with my heart).

I vowed the last time PAIN drove me to the point of taking my life, I would never allow PAIN to do that to me again. I am blessed because I did not once THINK about going there. I am blessed because I did not give into pain and start taking morphine again, finally I am blessed because the program for underserved children started September 12 and I was able to do my volunteer duty with the Kiwanis where hundreds of young children have ID’s with COMEC if (God forbid) they become missing.

It is not over until God says it is over keep fighting and praying while living with Multiple Sclerosis or any other chronic illness.