Monday, May 19, 2008


Obviously, from my title I am no longer being pulled into the “D” tunnel. No matter how strong we are as a person, we all have weaknesses. You know like that one interview question, “What are your strengths and weaknesses”, I never gave an answer to the weakness aspect of the question. I always talked about my strengths. It is human nature NOT to admit our weakness.

I finally admitted my weakness since my last post to my husband, children, mother, father, and siblings. There was a time I would never admit I was depressed and I damn sure would not reach out for help. My father is the reason why I was like that because according to him there is no such thing as's all in your mind and some bullsh*t doctors come up with. In his defense I know he no longer believe what he believed all his life. I would go into the details why he no longer believes that, but I only reveal my family life experiences on my blog.

This last depression wave came on swift and powerful, hell I thought I had a handle on it. I became so out of control my husband was thinking of having me committed. Yea, that's how bad I spiraled. Come to find out my doctor was already informed. At first, I was offended because I thought my family plotted on me, but in hindsight, they wanted to protect me.

Had I not reached out to them and told them I needed help, I probably would have been involuntarily committed. Now that is some scary sh*t, but as my husband but it my behavior was some scary sh*t.

Depression tried to take me down into a tunnel and I could not fight it alone...I was trying, but I was loosing the battle. I thank God I had the courage to let go of my pride of appearing weak and reached out to my family. I am not all the way out of the tunnel, but I am not falling further down.

There was nothing wrong with admitting I needed help when my burdens became too heavy for me to carry. Ministry through music also helps me when the "D" Express becomes more than I can handle...the following is one of the best one I listened to while I was finding my way out of the tunnel...
because I knew I had to "HOLD ON"


Fighting multiple sclerosis is challenging, it is so unpredictable…it is as the top of my blog says, “Life is like a box a chocolate, you never know what the next day will bring”. I dealt with a lot in my life, but dealing with multiple sclerosis is overwhelming. The depression that I get behind the changes MS causes in my life takes my thoughts to the dark side of hopelessness and helplessness.

If you are a regular, a lurker, or you found your way here via Google. My hope from this blog post is if you live with someone who is depress or if you are depress seek help before it is to late. Remember the saying, “It’s a thin line between love and hate”, here is another one for you “It’s a thin line between life and death”.

The mind is a wondrous complicated part of our being and to ignore what is going on in our mind can be fatal. Thoughts can eventually turn into action if your thoughts that are not healthy are not tended to properly. The stigma society has about depression is the reason many people will not admit they get depress or refuse to seek help for depression.

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in America with 32,000 deaths each year. On average, one American takes his or her own life every 16 minutes. Tragically, approximately 15 percent of people living with depression end their lives by committing suicide. And for each suicide, there are an estimated 25-attempted suicides.

As overwhelming as these numbers may be, the true tragedy is the devastatingly painful emotional state-often caused by depression- that can lead a person to consider, and ultimately, attempt suicide. You may be able to help prevent the loss of life of someone you know or love by recognizing the warning signs.

Signs of Suicide

Most suicides are preventable. The main step in prevention is to recognize the many warning signs:

- Withdrawing and isolating oneself from family and peers

- Using alcohol and drugs

- Declining level of performance at work or school

- Increasing levels of irritability

- Expressing feeling of hopelessness and helplessness

- Giving away possessions

- Talking about suicide

- Sleeping pattern or eating habit changes

Suicide doesn’t have jus one victim. Typically, one suicide intimately affects at least six other people. The pain and suffering of suicide resonates deeply in the family and friends of the deceased. If you suspect that a friend or loved one is thinking about suicide, talk to him or her about the noticeable behavior changes and express your concern. Depression is a treatable condition that can be overcome.

Excerpted from an article by John McKinsey, M.D., copy write 1999 University of Florida Brain Institute

Looking at the picture above is a face that lives with depression that knows first hand how quickly depression can drown your thoughts of feeling hopelessness and helplessness. I am not embarrassed to show my face because by seeing my face and reading what I wrote saves a life then it is worth revealing myself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem no matter how dark the future appears living with multiple sclerosis or whatever appears dark in your life. We all have it within us to continue living the life we want regardless of the obstacles that awaits us.


Jaime said...

Depression is a b*tch, glad you were able to recognize what you have been feeling. Just one more peice of the MS puzzle. I hope this finds you happy and healthy. Take care,

mdmhvonpa said...

There is a blog that I ping every so often ...

check it out.

Blinders Off said...


Living with MS also mean living with the risk of taking medication that could without warning suddenly cause your mind to go in into the "D" tunnel that could lead to a tragic result.

I am thankful I recognized something was off and I did not let my pride keep me from reaching out for help.

Depression is a b*tch, but depression brought on from medication is an ugly b*tch. I am working my way back to feeling better with the help of my family and psychologist...thank you for the best wishes.

Blinders Off said...


Thanks for the link, I will check it out.