Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I Refuse To Stress Out

My mind has been on overload since Saturday morning. I pushed what I thought I felt out of my mind when I was showering. As I began to get dress for the walk, I decided to check again to ease my mind. Damn, it was still there. My mind start thinking about my ex mother-in-law and my first cousins who all had double mastectomies because of Breast Cancer. I had to push those thoughts back because I had something important to do; my thoughts were taking me to a place I did not want to visit.

The walk is over, I have no more excuses to ignore THE LUMP I felt. I checked again to make sure I was not imagining the small acorn size lump. Nope I was not imagining it; it is still in the same location when I first discovered it. I start cursing myself for cancelling my mammogram appointment in December 2007. That was the first time I ever cancelled, I just did not feel like having my breast smashed down to a thin pancake. What a fool I was, I am now thinking if I had not cancelled, maybe what I feel now would have been spotted and today my mind could be at ease.

My mind wants to go to when I witnessed my ex mother-in-law and first cousins journey of battling breast cancer, the surgery, and finally the reconstructive surgery. I know the mind can play terrible tricks and right now, my mind is playing terrible tricks on me. I refused to allow my mind have me think THE LUMP I felt is CANCER. I have to wait until May to have the mammogram; I am going to try my best not to worry myself to death until then.

From my mouth to God's ears…as of today when I publish this post, each and every time my mind strays to THE LUMP, I will focus my mind on something positive until I have confirmation what THE LUMP means to my well being.


mdmhvonpa said...

Hrmm ... a lump. I would attend to that straight away.

Michelle said...

I have nothing but good thoughts and wishes for you Blinders Off. Maybe you can get in for an ultrasound prior to the mammogram.
Sending positive thoughts. Stay inspired! Michelle
Expand your mind ~ visit Brain Angles

Diane J Standiford said...

yes, you be our own vision, your own angel. I will join you.

Blinders Off said...

Thanks for the support.

Unfortunately, the earliest I can get attention is May 6. Like I said in my post, I am not going to stress and I appreciate all the positive thoughts I can get.