Saturday, February 7, 2009
Do You Believe In Prayers?
Yes, I believe in prayers. I wanted the brother I knew when we were growing up, I prayed for my brother for more years than I care to count.
When I heard the joy in my mothers voice last week say, "M. was over and he looks real good. His face is clear and he has been going to church. He has three suits he wants me to take in for him." I felt her smiling as we talked on the phone, I knew then she believed he was clean and sober. She was apprehensive when I told her several months ago, he has not been using going on a year and he was getting his life together. After several times of not completing rehab, I understood her apprehension, but it was a happy moment to hear her believe in my brother again.
The day my brother was about to end his life, he called me. That day is etched in my brain for eternity. My husband and I was on a date night, we were driving to spend the night in Tunica, MS. A call interrupted the music coming from the radio, I did recognize the number and I could not understand the caller in the beginning. The caller was crying hysterical, after about of minute of trying to understand what the caller was saying, my heart stopped. I recognized the voice; it was my brother “M”.
My thoughts were racing, was he was hurt, why is he calling me I live in another state. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard him say, “I am sick of living worst than a dog, Shelly lives better than me (Shelly is my dog), I am going to kill myself”. I knew with every fiber in my body he meant what he just said. I stopped the call from coming over the radio and held the phone to my ear and said, “You don’t have to live like you are living…you can change your life “M”, I will help you, we all will help you”.
After I said that, I let him get it all out. I did not judge him; I just listened to his pain. Once he stopped talking, I repeated what I said earlier and I told him, "I would start the ball rolling from my end to help him get his life together." I was relieved because I felt in my heart he believed me, he was calmer when we ended our call. I called my older sister and told her about what just happened. I advice her on what I was going to do, but she would have to take over because I do not live in that state anymore. She agreed to handle everything once I found a program for my brother.
To make a long story short, I immediately found a program that could help my brother in the state he lives in and a place to live, my sister made sure he kept all appointments by driving him there herself. No one believed my brother was going to change his life, but no one heard the desperation in his voice when he called me the night he wanted to end it all.
When we pray we cannot expect miracles to happen right away. I had been praying for my brother to stop using drugs for over twenty years. My prayers were answered the day my brother called me for help. He has been clean and sober for nine months and I pray everyday he stays that way.
My brother will be 48 years old next week and been on drugs for many years. No matter what one may think reading this post. I am proud of fact my brother did not bring a child in this world and committed crimes to support his habit. The only person he hurt in the years he been doing drugs is himself. That says a lot about him as a person.