Monday, December 31, 2007
Obviously, I did not go to Texas with my husband and daughter Sunday. I been experience numbness and weakness in my hands, I noticed it when I was preparing a feast for Thanksgiving. I tried ignoring it because I thought it would go away. I can no longer keep ignoring what I have been feeling because I experienced a new symptom that frightens me.
I had already told my husband I would not be going to Texas; I let him believe it was because I was upset with him. Which is wrong of me, but what the hell? I was upset with my Baby Girl because after putting my pride and stubbornness to the side and calling her to tell her I was sorry. She did not come home that morning. To be honest it bothered me, she did not come home until late that evening. I expected her to tell me she was sorry for her part of the argument and she did not after that, I shut down and decided I would give her what she want. I had nothing more to say to her and I do not know when I will.
My husband did not make things better when before my daughter came home, he said something I did not like, in all fairness to him. He did come to me and said let us start over, but I was already upset with my daughter and I was not ready to start over with him.
Hopefully, this new reaction I experience was because I was upset. Stress is a bit** it wakes up crap in your body and I try to keep my stress down. Although, I consciously felt I was not bothered by my daughter’s actions, subconsciously I must have been. When my nerves start trembling, I did not say a word. I did not say anything because I did not want to interrupt my husband trip (I was no longer mad with) and I did not want to be the reason he did not see his Mother (which I know is very important to him).
When I went to bed the nerve tremors on my left side was hard to ignore. I did not think anything of it because with my multiple sclerosis my nerves tremor mildly through out my body every now and then. As I said at first, it was mild, but gradually my entire left side started tremoring violently. It was so violent the entire bed was shaking. My mind start racing wondering what was happening. The violent shaking stopped after five minutes, but that five minutes felt like an eternity. My next appoint to my neurologist is not until February, but she gets in my a** when I do not tell her of noticeable changes. It is time to call because my noticeable changes have been headaches that caused dizziness and lost of balance, hand numbness and weakness, now violent nerve tremors. I bet a silver time my neurologist is going to schedule a Solu-Medrol infusion; I hope it will be for one day instead of three.
I am going to be optimistic about the violent nerve tremors, that probably happened because of the argument I had with my daughter and it was our first. My daughters are very respectable and I my feelings are hurt that my Baby Girl took her frustration of breaking up with her boyfriend off on me. The one thing I will not apologize saying to her is, “If you are broken up with someone, you cannot be dating. Because if you do date him now and then you are not broken up, you are just playing with yourself”.
I do not sugar coat LIFE with my children, I have always told them how it is because no one loves them as I do and I have no reason to lie to them. I know she is hurting from leaving her first love, but like I told her she is young and she will definitely fall in love again. A young man I know who likes my daughter afar, emailed me recently and ask me if she was still seeing the young man she met in college. I emailed him back and told him no, I want to share a portion of what he emailed back when I told him she was single. I probably should forward the email to my daughter maybe it will help her realize she will fall in love again.
The email referencing my Baby Girl...
So as not to bore you with more law school talk, I must say that I'm relieved that you weren't offended when I asked you about T***. I know that mothers can be very protective of their children. I do have to admit that I've been interested in her, particularly when you informed me that she was socially-conscious and had an activist streak in her. To any man who's also conscious, single, and ambitious, her qualities would stand out. And I'm not brown-nosing when I say that I could tell she had your spunk and passion when I saw how she got involved with various issues at Vanderbilt. And lovely too? Beautiful inside and out? What a combination. The bad part was that she wasn't single.
I haven't cyber-chatted with your "triple-threat" (T***) since long before the last time I corresponded with you, so I have no idea what's going on in her world. Anyway, let me not digress any further. She's a gem; that's undeniable. She probably deserves the best; I'd supply nothing less. But, unless I'm missing something, I don't think that she's looked at me in that way. Sometimes there are women who see later what they couldn't see sooner. Sometimes there are women whose preferences change as their priorities change (in life and in time). Sometimes it's greater later. Said Bill Withers: "Good things come to those who wait, but not to those who wait too late." I'm sure you understand. If I weren't knee-deep in law school preparations and plans, I'd probably email your Baby Girl.
Winning takes a plan and a strategy, along with many intangibles. No one can win for me but me, just like no one can get someone else into Heaven. If I might quote author Claud Anderson, we all have our own row to hoe, our own trail to blaze, and our own path to find. It would be one of life's uncanny ironies if my and Tara's paths crossed that way, but of course, the true question is whether the two ships intersect at parallel lines or at perpendicular lines. (Remember that from Math class?) If those lines are perpendicular, then those two ships will meet by coming from different paths and then will diverge because they're on different courses. If those lines are parallel, then that means that the two ships somehow meet while coming from similar paths but continue on, beside one another, while charting the same course forward. But again, no matter what the lookout sees, "It takes two to make a thing go right. It takes two to make it out of sight." If it's meant to be, it will be.
To me, she would be gold.
Her rarity - exemplary - unfolds.
The look of her lash, the purity of her pupils,
Cheeks that know no tear.
The luster of the eye, that innermost ambition,
Her driving force - no fear.
Whether in wind or in water, in humidity or heat,
Each day would be blessing, refreshing, unique.
Every blue moon, yes, dare there's a frown.
Heart's temperature up, up, then down.
But never, never long enough for her sweet smile to drown.
To hold her is bliss, so kind, the first kiss.
To acknowledge this not, is foolish, remiss.
Her energy, frenetic,
Her virtue, a wonder.
What D**** joined together,
May none put asunder.
Anyway, anyway, anyway...
Maybe you liked that poem, maybe you didn't. It was all in the spirit of fun (with a hint of seriousness).