Hit the Nail on the Head

I do not usually take from another blog, but this is a must listen to interview…Taken from Autoegocrat at the Flypaper Theory.

Disabled Not Dead

ANNE



When Someone Deeply Listens To You
it is like holding out a dented cup
you've had since childhood
and watching it fill up with
cold, fresh water.
When it balances on top of the brim,
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
you are loved.
When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay
starts a new life
and the place where you wrote
your first poem
begins to glow in your mind's eye.
It is as if gold has been discovered!
When someone deeply listens to you
your barefeet are on the earth
and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you.

by — John Fox


You are in my prayers...Blinders Off

It Cannot Get Worse…So Why Not Look Into It

“D”, I was reading this article on vitamin D (and others) and it keeps coming up that African-Americans can be deficient in this vitamin and can develop multiple sclerosis and other autoimmune diseases. You should have your blood level checked. Because our skin is dark, we re usually 100% deficient in this vitamin & and have an array of ailments as a result. I had mine checked and I am deficient and my doctor placed me on 6 drops daily. It has made a huge difference in the pain I was feeling in my bones.

The website is not just for African Americans it has some interesting information on it..Click to check it out.

When I see my neurologist for my scheduled February 27, appointment, I am requesting to have my blood drawn to check my vitamin D level. I have taken myself off a many harmful prescription medication to control symptoms of my MS. Could it be possible some of what I feel could be from vitamin deficiencies mainly vitamin D. I would prefer to take vitamins to control some of my ailments than harmful prescription medication.

It cannot get worse…so why not look into vitamin deficiencies.

Love is...

I know this comes as a surprise, I actually hope it’s a pleasant and welcome one. I’ve been thinking about you and just wanted to say hello and to let you know that I still "Love My Friend"! I pray that all is fine in your world! I remember telling you that we are Friends to the end and nothing has changed here! Every relationship/friendship takes some hurdled and bumps but that's what makes us strong. I Love you! Happy Valentine's Day! Sandra, your Friend to the End!!!

My life long friend hurt me deeply months ago and I have not spoken to her since. I admit I missed her and I thought of her often, but I could not get what she said out of my head. For that reason, I refused to hang on to our friendship.

When I received her above email, I cried and picked up the phone and called her. The first words out of my mouth were, “I missed you too”. She start crying and when she composed herself she said, “I wondered if you were going to email me back and what it was going to say. I am happy you called, I love you and I missed you. I was depressed about my son and said things to you I did not mean.”

I explained to her, “Words are more hurtful than being physically hit, because words rewind in your head often and the hurt is felt over and over again. In order to move on, I forgiven you months ago, but I was happy to receive your email. I love you too.” We continued to talk as if nothing happened between us.

Valentine Day this year means more to me... because I have my friend back.

V-Day is not just about expressing love to a significant other, it is also a day to let everyone you love KNOW IT.
Your children, mother, father, sister, brother, friends, lover, etc.

It is Not Procrastination It’s MS Fatigue

I feel tired all the time more so when I think of all I have to do such as housework, studying for class, preparing for meetings, etc. There are days I can stay in bed all day and not move unless I have to go to the bathroom. When I feel like that and do it, my mind does not let me rest because I am thinking about what I have on my plate to do.

I am one of those types of people that hate to be late or unprepared for anything. I would be in bed feeling guilty about not completing a task and possibly not being prepared for a meeting or test. At one time, I convinced myself that I was a procrastinator.

I complete my tasks and meet deadlines, therefore, I stopped feeling guilty when my body wants to rest. I stopped feeling guilty when I pace to do my housework and I cannot complete it all in one day. I stopped feeling guilty when I have days or weeks before a test or meeting to prepare, but wait close to the day of to start preparation. Pacing and resting when my body tells me is what matters and what is important.

It is not Procrastination It’s MS Fatigue...bite me!

Do You Believe In Prayers?

Yes, I believe in prayers. I wanted the brother I knew when we were growing up, I prayed for my brother for more years than I care to count.

When I heard the joy in my mothers voice last week say, "M. was over and he looks real good. His face is clear and he has been going to church. He has three suits he wants me to take in for him." I felt her smiling as we talked on the phone, I knew then she believed he was clean and sober. She was apprehensive when I told her several months ago, he has not been using going on a year and he was getting his life together. After several times of not completing rehab, I understood her apprehension, but it was a happy moment to hear her believe in my brother again.

The day my brother was about to end his life, he called me. That day is etched in my brain for eternity. My husband and I was on a date night, we were driving to spend the night in Tunica, MS. A call interrupted the music coming from the radio, I did recognize the number and I could not understand the caller in the beginning. The caller was crying hysterical, after about of minute of trying to understand what the caller was saying, my heart stopped. I recognized the voice; it was my brother “M”.

My thoughts were racing, was he was hurt, why is he calling me I live in another state. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard him say, “I am sick of living worst than a dog, Shelly lives better than me (Shelly is my dog), I am going to kill myself”. I knew with every fiber in my body he meant what he just said. I stopped the call from coming over the radio and held the phone to my ear and said, “You don’t have to live like you are living…you can change your life “M”, I will help you, we all will help you”.

After I said that, I let him get it all out. I did not judge him; I just listened to his pain. Once he stopped talking, I repeated what I said earlier and I told him, "I would start the ball rolling from my end to help him get his life together." I was relieved because I felt in my heart he believed me, he was calmer when we ended our call. I called my older sister and told her about what just happened. I advice her on what I was going to do, but she would have to take over because I do not live in that state anymore. She agreed to handle everything once I found a program for my brother.

To make a long story short, I immediately found a program that could help my brother in the state he lives in and a place to live, my sister made sure he kept all appointments by driving him there herself. No one believed my brother was going to change his life, but no one heard the desperation in his voice when he called me the night he wanted to end it all.

When we pray we cannot expect miracles to happen right away. I had been praying for my brother to stop using drugs for over twenty years. My prayers were answered the day my brother called me for help. He has been clean and sober for nine months and I pray everyday he stays that way.

PS

My brother will be 48 years old next week and been on drugs for many years. No matter what one may think reading this post. I am proud of fact my brother did not bring a child in this world and committed crimes to support his habit. The only person he hurt in the years he been doing drugs is himself. That says a lot about him as a person.

Living With MS....MY WAY

I thought I was going to get myself together when I wrote “MS you can’t keep a good person down” and “Honey you are a Junkie” in June 2007. All I did was trade in the numerous prescription I was taking daily and as needed for a more dangerous and potent drug. My reflection was the best thing to happen to me in 2008.

I still live with pain, tingling, numbness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia. Hell, living with MS I never knew which ailment was going to afflict me, or when it was going to happen. I still do not know today because MS is a predator that I cannot control, but I can control how I allow it to affect my life.
Too many times, I allowed MS to put me in a depress state, for too long I taken drugs regularly to keep symptoms away. Allowing MS to dictate my mood and what I put in my body is what will cause my DEATH. The aforementioned is my reality of living with MS.

I realized if I could live through withdraw symptoms of Fentanyl, I can live with pain, tingling, numbness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia without popping a pill or capsule everyday to keep the symptoms away. I am no idiot; I will take medication, as I need it. I am proud of myself because I have been strong enough not reach for a pill or capsule when MS take me for a ride with one or more of my symptoms. I am proud of the fact I need to have new prescriptions written for the MS symptoms that plagues me when I go see me Neurologist February 17…yes, it has been that long since I taken what I call my as needed drugs.

I have come a long way, the only drugs, I take on a daily basis are my Copaxone injection and Cymbalta. I would not be taking Cymbalta if I had a severe case of anxiety recently. My anxiety is better and I contribute that to Cymbalta, therefore, I will continue taking my Cymbalta on a daily basis. I never want to experience the type of anxiety I just overcame in my life.

Living with MS my way may not work for others, but damn sure works for me.

My Pick

Click to view my pick for BEST PERFORMANCE during our historical inauguration weekend.





Click to read my baby girl experience witnessing history.

To Achieve Your Dreams

REMEMBER YOUR




Avoid negative sources, people, places, things, and habits.

Believe in yourself.

Consider things from every angle.

Don't give up and don't give in.

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.

Give more than you planned to.

Hang on to your dreams.

Ignore those who try to discourage you.

Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.

Love yourself first and most.

Make it happen.

Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.

Open your eyes and see things as they really are.

Practice makes perfect.

Quitters never win and winners never quit.

Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.

Stop procastinating.

Take control of your own destiny.

Understand yourself in order to better understand others.

Visualize it.

Want it more than anything.

Xcellerate your efforts.

You are uniqwue of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU.

Zero in on your target and go for it!
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The above is a poster I bought at a store when my girls were in elementary school 17 years ago. Instead of framing it in a poster frame, I took it to a frame shop and had it professionally framed.

I wanted my daughters to know what it took to achieve their dreams and today they are living their dreams because of the words on that poster. I personally benefitted from reading the words on that poster because I thought my dreams were over when I heard, “You have multiple sclerosis”.

I was one of those people who defined themselves from their profession and salary. I now know the depression I went through behind having to quit my job because of multiple sclerosis was a massive waste of time out of my life.

It is true when one door close another one open. Multiple Sclerosis changed a lot of things for me, but living with multiple sclerosis has open a door for me to help others in a way I would not be able to do if I was working in the profession that once defined me.


I Achieve My Dreams and Remembering the ABC’s helped me along the way

MS + Copaxone = ANXIETY

I started experiencing attacks of anxiety before I went on a hiatus from blogging. In the beginning, I thought maybe, I was doing too much…blogging, school, accepting board appointments, and helping in the Mayor's campaign among my personal daily duties. By the way, my candidate WON :)

I awaken one morning from a night sleep and I immediately felt panicky and fearful. The feeling last a few minutes, but I was complex to why I was feeling that way. As I continued with my day, I noticed I was feeling panicky and fearful through out my day. I did not associate what I was feeling to ANXIETY, I just knew something was not right to feel something terrible was about to happen and it was out of character for me. I brushed it off as residual effects from wearing a morphine patch for a year and suddenly stopping a few months earlier.

Waking up feeling fear and panic went on for weeks and it intensified to the point, I knew I had to get to the bottom as to WHY. I did not like what it was doing to me, it was starting to affect my life to the point I was afraid of being home alone, driving, and leaving my home. I was at the point of despair hiding this creature ANXIETY that invaded my thoughts and body.

Many times, I thought I was going to lose control of taming the creature within when I was out in public, therefore, I cancelled appointments, stopped blogging, and if I were not taking online courses, I would have quit school. Realistically, I knew nothing was going to happen, but this creature was paralyzing me. I start realizing keeping quiet was giving the creature within power.

I began taking that power back when I told my husband what I was going through. Of course, his response was to make an appointment with my therapist. I agreed, but the creature had me paralyzed to the point I could not drive without feeling as if I was having a heart attack. I was ready to have myself committed to get control of the creature within. I called my therapist and told him how I was afraid to leave my house and drive because I physically felt as if I was going to die. I asked him, “If I checked myself in the hospital could he see me then because I cannot keep going like this”. Unfortunately I could not check my self in for severe Anxiety because I was not suicidal or a harm to others, which is fortunate.

My next course of action to fight the creature was a visit to my primary care doctor and neurologist. It is no secret there is a drug for all ailments that invade our body. Once again, I was semi scolded by my primary care doctor and neurologist for waiting weeks to let them know Anxiety was kicking my ass. My primary care doctor asked me, “Is anxiety a side effect of Copaxone.” I responded, “I don’t recall anxiety being a side effect of Copaxone, but I will look into it.” My neurologist confirmed anxiety is a side effect of Copaxone and anxiety is associated living with multiple sclerosis. I was prescribed Cymbalta 60mg to control my anxiety creature. Cymbalta was good for my neurological pain because I use to take it, but I did not know it was also to control anxiety. It took three weeks for Cymbalta to get in my system, tame the creature, and start gaining control of my life again. As of today, I have been taking Cymbalta for two months and I plan to continue taking it until a side effect rear its head from taking it.

So many different side effects come with taking medication. It is not as if I did not know, but I have to remember that a side effect from a drug can happen at any time while I am taking it. I promised myself, when I am out of character; I will not wait until it become critical before I notify my primary care doctor or neurologist. Do not be a hard head like me, when you feel out of character get in touch with your doctor.